im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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