Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
