Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
