I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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