Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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