I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
