I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm really busy with my period
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