Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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