Your mouth is God's brothel.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
