you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
