I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
