Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
