...so i touched it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
