I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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