Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My bed smells like the plague
and eventually we just all took our pants off
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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