Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
