Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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