It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
