when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Im part way to drunk.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
