I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
