everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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