garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she told me i tasted like america
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
