I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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