tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
