i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
