The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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