So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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