So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
