um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
