Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
