Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
