Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
