There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
