I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just googled if crying burns calories
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
