Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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