babies were throwing up all over the place
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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