yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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