I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
