Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
