Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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