i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
