is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
