ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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