No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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