You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
