Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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