your parents love me but you hate me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
