so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
