but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
