All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Rumble strips road head = magical
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
