I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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