hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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