Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
