Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
