there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
