I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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