If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
