last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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