It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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