I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
